Complete Surrender?

Complete Surrender...that just sounds scary right? 

If you have read one of my previous post about changes in my life...well I am going to expand on that today. Today my devotion was about complete surrender. The video was thirty minutes and throughout this entire video I kept asking myself if I was willing to give up everything I have wanted and just ask God to take every thing I want and surrender it to Him to do whatever He wants to do with me. I kept bringing up different situations. For instance, I would ask my self if I was willing to let go of everything I give my time up for and just let God do with it what He wants. I asked myself if I was willing to forgo every dream I have ever had, and just put those aside and let God fulfill me with His dreams for me. I asked myself if I could surrender every relationship I have with all of the people in my life and make them glorify God.

Wanna know how I answered these questions during this video? I practically said no. No? Yes, I kept making excuses like well I'll give this area over to God, because that is easier but I think I can keep a few areas to myself though. This troubled me greatly. I kept asking myself question after question...why can't I give this over to Him? Yet I kept saying no in my heart. No, I don't want to have to give everything over to Him because that is just asking a lot. This may be shocking to hear but it's the truth. This was a serious battle for me!

So after thirty minutes I went about my business getting ready, cleaning, etc. It wasn't until an hour or two later that these questions just kept popping into my head. I felt though God just kept asking me like why won't you give your life over to me, I promise it will be far greater that anything you could imagine, but yet I kept trying to hold on to my flesh. That is a big deal! Being able to say my life is not my own, and God WHATEVER you want me to do with this life YOU have given me, I will do it. That just seemed so out of reach for me.

In the video Lesley Ludy kept mentioning different women that gave their lifes up for the cause of Christ. Some were thrown out of their homes and told they never wanted to see them again, some were put in prison, some were torn limb by limb by ferocious beasts, and the list just goes on. This kind of surrender just sounded so far out of reach. Impossible is the word that came to mind.

Anyways, my heart just was feeling heavy the entire night. I am really good with putting my feelings and thoughts that trouble me in the way back of my mind where I just don't have to deal with them, but this was different. I kept pushing them aside and it would work for a while, but then they would just pop into my head again. It was almost as if God kept asking me with everything I did...Is this glorifying me? Will you give this up for me? By this time I was just speechless. I had no idea what to do.

If your friends with me on facebook you may have seen my status today:
What does God ask for? All of us. Every single thing. 
Not just certain areas of your life, but EVERYTHING: 

Your future 
Your dreams 
Your ambitions 
Your reputation 
Your comfort 
Your romance ideals 
Your popularity 

Your free time
and the list goes on...
-Lesly Ludy 

This was something I put as my status to challenge myself with! I wanted to be able to say this is what I am willing to do for the God of this world who gave His life and DIED a horrible death just for ME. This was really starting to trouble me. 

Tonight I left my boyfriends house and just felt worn out, mentally and physically (we had just finished day 5 of insanity!). I don't know what exactly came over me...but I began to cry. I do not mean little tears were falling down my face, I mean full out sobbing. I couldn't even control it. That is when I just felt God pushing me to believe and trust Him that if I gave everything up for Him and would be so worth it. 

I cried the entire way home and just prayed out loud to God asking for his wisdom, guidance, peace, strength, courage, and so on. I know I cannot even begin to do this alone, but thing is I don't have to. He is right beside me the entire time. I truly feel THIS is what I want for my life: total surrender. I know this is not going to be easy. While praying I kept saying I know I am going to fail and I know I am going to need Your help to be able to do this, but this is truly what I want for my life.  

I do NOT want to live a life that is just wasted on material things of this world. I want to live a life for Jesus Christ! Plus that is the only reason we are here on this earth! Why wouldn't I give my life up for Him? I should be dead, but I am ALIVE because Christ stood in front of me and died so I wouldn't have to.  

While praying and just crying out to God a song came on... What Faith Can Do by Kutless and I felt that was God speaking to me because those words were exactly what I needed to hear.... 

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing 

That word was there.... impossible. Did that just hit me in the face? Giving your life to God is NOT impossible if you believe in Him and trust that He has the strength to help you. It is going to be scary, He didn't say it was going to be easy, but we have to be willing to take that step.  

So with that I leave you to think about your life. Have you completely surrendered EVERY area in your life? It's gonna be hard, but I know putting your life into God's hands is far greater than keeping it in your own! <3

Sooo day 4 it is! 

Well today was a pretty good day..let's start out with that. Got up and I was determined to make sure everyone of my meals was in the nutrition guide (which if you knew me, this is a very difficult thing to do!). So I got up and made 2 eggs and 2 egg white, mushrooms, and onion breakfast wrap along with some wheat toast and all fruit preserves! Sounds fancy doesn't it? :) I thought so to! 

Then I had to mow.... this seemed like an impossible task since walking was still a struggle! Gotta do what you gotta do though! So I put on my mowing shoes and off I went! It takes me forever too because no matter how many times I do it, I manage to miss a lot of spots. After that was done I decided to be a good daughter and edge that grass. Well that took me forever...why??.... my arms were so sore from pushing the push mower that holding the edger up was an extremely difficult thing to do! For a little while after I finished my arms were still shaking (boy I am out of shape! ha)

Anyways...if you have heard of Insanity you probably have heard of Shakeology. This is their "miracle" shake. No they really don't call it that, but it's the shake that has like everything from all over the world in it and is supposed to help with energy. So I decided to take a risk and spend a little money to try this (I had heard nothing but good reviews).

Welll I did a milk, water, ice, banana, and peanut butter one and I don't know if I did something or what but it was....to say the least...disgusting. ha My Shakeology was chocolate flavored too! So I guess I shall try different mix ins tomorrow!

To make things go faster... I followed the meal plan the whole day! I even packed food for work tonight. I took a much needed nap after mowing and worked until 9:30. I still don't have the dvds since my boyfriend and I are sharing them at the moment so I ventured onto the wonderful world wide web.

Youtube is a wonderful gift! I found a link of a 51 year old man doing this and I just watched him and did it. (kinda creepy I know!) Here's the link if you want to get an idea of how I spent my night haha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jtyS_Qx58w So today was "Cardio Recovery" sounds nice right? Well it was for the most part!

Today consisted of mainly stretching: lots of squats, lunges, and rep stuff like that. Although it wasn't so bad like I felt like I was going to get sick (like how all the other ones are) it still was hard! We would do 16 squats slowly then have to pump up and down really fast 16 times!! Talk about the BURNNN. ha

My feet kill after this. I am not sure if it is because of my new "training" shoes or because I did this barefoot (which I normally do not) or maybe your feet are supposed to be sore? Idk! Other than than my thighs burn too!

I am looking forward to tomorrow though! Although it is insanely painful and awful during it! It feels good knowing I'm getting in shape and taking one day at a time will get you to your goal! 

ANYWAYSS the GOOD STUFF: 
Right now I am doing a devotional book from an amazing couple: Eric and Lesley Ludy. If you haven't heard of them I strongly suggest you check them out and look into investing in some of their books or devotions! The devotion I am doing is probably a little young for me but that doesn't mean I can't learn from it! It is called:
                   Series One: Study Guide True Femininity The Radiant Beauty of a Set-Apart-Life
This is an 8 week study guide that you can use for yourself or to teach to a group of girls. It comes with a study book and two dvds with four 30 minutes lessons on it. They really are awesome! I like them being on video too because I will play it while I get ready in my bedroom and then spend time in my Bible and devotional after I'm done.

The first lesson was talking about surrendering all to Jesus! The main points were:

1) True purity starts inside your heart 

2) GOD'S plan for your life is WAY more beautiful than yours, but you must have 

complete surrender! 

3) Build your life around Him, don't just try to fit Him into your life! 

4) Seek Him with an undivided heart 

5) Proverbs 31: Do your husband good ALL the days of your life. Praying 

for Him know and honoring Him now in all that you do is key 

6) The perfect hero/ prince that we dream of will ALWAYS be Jesus Christ, 

AND he will never let you down!   

This truly is an amazing devotional and I highly recommend it! http://store.ellerslie.com/True_Femininity_2_Disc_DVD_Study_Guide_p/dvds-tf.htm << the link. 

Well that is all for now! Gotta do my devotion for tonight and get some sleep! <3 

The truth on Insanity and some Jesus :)

Well Insanity...let's just say it gets worse! Today was day three for my boyfriend, his brother, and my boyfriends brother's wife. It started off in the morning with waking up. As soon as I woke up I could feel it. The aching in my legs and just overall weakness. Once I finally decided to be brave and get out of bed I realized exactly how sore I was....SORE. ha. Walking up and down the steps all day was the biggest challenge! Walking alone was difficult, but stairs were quite the challenge.

I found this odd though since the first and second day were different. On the other days I was weak after working out but I felt like I had more energy, I love that feeling! Today, that was not the case. We were all so worn out. All I wanted to do was sleep and not be able to feel my legs. (I know I'm complaining like a crazy woman...but I am just letting you know the truth!) 

How was day 3 you ask then?? Well we were supposed to all meet up at 10am to do it, but that didn't happen. Then we decided we could eat and then do it at 1:30....that didn't happen either. We were just so sore and we knew if we could hardly move, then there was no way we could squat or jump! So then 3:30 looked good, but by then we were playing Xbox and that just sounded way more fun that killing ourselves during a workout!

So FINALLY we decided to be brave and do it after church! We had an awesome church service and we were feeling good and brave, ready to take on the challenge! So around 9pm tonight we pressed play. Well we started out pretty good, then got about 9 minutes into it and were seriously feeling the burn (we were also feeling the burn after 2 minutes). This was not looking good as you can see! So we tried to give our all...but we were still sore and our all just wasn't there! We had heard the third day is one of the hardest days to get past too. So we tried as hard as we could and decided our bodies could just not take any more. We decided to stop with about 12 minutes left (they are 40 minute workouts).

We are hoping tomorrow will be better! I got in the hot tub tonight so I am hoping that will help with soreness, but we shall just have to wait and see. I am looking forward to Sunday more than ever!! First because of church and second because its "rest day" for Insanity...Praise the Lord!!

Jesus time.... <3
First of all I am sure if you are reading this (should I say most likely sure) if you watch any tv you know about the whole chickfila appreciation day. Well my boyfriend and I wanted to go there to stand behind a man of God and show that we christians agree and will refuse to compromise what is truth in the Bible. I could get into the details about how it wasn't a day of boycotting gay people but a day of standing up for what's right. Plus we aren't supposed to hate the sinner, we are supposed to hate the sin. We are to love the sinner and show the compassion of God and show them the truth...but I won't get into all of that.

So around 5:30pm my boyfriend and I hop in the car to go support chickfila and get some of those AMAZING nuggets! We got there and the line was wrapped around the building and out pretty far into the parking lot. We assumed the line would be an hour to an hour and a half long. Well we had church at 7 and we got there around 6 so we knew we couldn't stay. So although we didn't get a chance to actually buy something we did show up and supported with them in spirit!

Anywaysss... church. Church was AMAZING, as always! Right now I just love going to church. I want to be there every chance I can possibly get because I want to soak in every single word from the men and woman of God that God has placed in my life. We had an awesome message about the laws of God and how we can not comprehend them but they are just higher than the laws of nature, because they are God's laws. I'll have to expand on this later because it would be too much to write at 1 am and I am exhausted from my long day of dreading working out, then actually doing it (haha).So until later....

Changes in my life.

So what are these changes anyways? 

So what have I been up to lately? I am sure all of my followers are dying to know! (this is sarcasm since I have none). I thought you would never ask.

Many things in my life are beginning to change, physically and spiritually. First off I started the workout program Insanity and let me tell you the name does it justice. I have only done one day of it and that was just the fitness test which is only around 25 minutes. Every other day is forty minutes of non stop insanity! This is the change I am making in my life physically.

I used to be very active in high school. I played three sports and was constantly on the move. I never had time to question if I was in shape. When college started though that was totally different. I was always studying and hanging out with my boyfriend so working out was just never in the picture. In high school it is easy because when you sign up to do a sport you don't have a choice to work out or not, you have to. You have conditioning, practice, open gyms, etc so you are constantly moving and working out.

I am now going to be a sophomore in college this fall and let me tell you, I am not nearly in the shape I was in. I wasn't in amazing shape in high school with amazing abs and a hot body, but I was in shape. So college was something completely different and I did not like it. I liked being fit and being able to run any time we had to do suicides (don't get me wrong I hated suicides but I like that I could handle them). Now if someone asked me to do a suicide I wouldn't be able to do it hardly.

So this is where the change come into play. I am starting Insanity and going hard core every day for two months. I am also going to try to follow their nutrition guide (not diet guide) book as well. This is such a necessity because getting healthy is so important to me and being in good shape and eating right makes you feel so much better about yourself. So I will keep you posted on how that works out. (I could hardly walk this morning...tonight's workout and zumba afterwards should be interesting!)

The major and most important change I am doing right now is making God a priority in my life. I have been a "christian" for about fourteen years but have never truly surrendered my entire life over to God. I started attending church more and it hit me the other day that I can call myself a christian all I want but am I truly living for God? Because if I truly loved God and wanted to life a life like He wants me to... I would me surrounding myself with everything He wanted for my life and not what I wanted. I would not be trying to fit Him into my life but build my entire life around Him.

Going to church is a huge thing for me. For me to be able to walk with God and have a good relationship with Him, I NEED church. I emphasized the need for a reason. I need to be surrounded by people that believe in God and want Him to be the ultimate priority in their life. I need to be convicted constantly that I am in no way perfect, and never will be. I need someone to tell me how being prideful and be selfish is wrong. I need the reminder to be committed to God and be completely selfless and live a life surrendered to Him because living that way will be so amazing that it won't even compare to the life you want to live.

So here I am sitting in church this past Sunday on July 29th and I can feel God telling me I need to recommit my life to Him and do it right this time. I need to become a member of this church and just pour my heart and soul into the people of this world for the cause of Christ. I want to make a change in this world. I want to stand in front of God on judgement day and have Him say "Well done thou good and faithful servant"! So this is going to be a huge change in my life.

Let me be the first one to say I know I am not going to change overnight, I am not going to be perfect, but through God's grace and mercy I am going to live a life pleasing to my Savior.

So I finish this with asking you to pray for me. Anyone who happened to come across my blog and has read this far down, just pray that God would just reign in my life and that I would die to myself daily. This is no easy task....to give everything of this world, and all of your worldly desires up, but I know that when I do this that my life will me more beautiful and more fulfilled than anything I could ever imagine.  <3

I want to get in shape...

I want to get in shape... 

So like every girl does...I was just sitting around on my computer scrolling through Pinterest and I come across this healthy lifestyle sort of blog. I am always intrigued by the before and after pictures where people look decently normal before and then they look amazing, toned, happy, and just plain healthy in the after picture. So I decided to click on this to find out what it was all about and try to figure out exactly how this girl got those kind of results. 

I'll start off by giving you the blog I found so you know what I am talking about:
http://muffintop-less.tumblr.com/post/20737227291/what-an-awesome-transformation

For starters, the moment you click on her blog you will be like HOLY COW when you see her picture and how amazing she looks now! I also love the fact of how much happier she looks as well.

So I have always wanted to get on a daily workout plan, and don't get me wrong I have tried but it always only lasts for a few weeks (wait who am I kidding, like two weeks at max HA) and then I give up, forget, get busy, or find some excuse not to do it. I hate this.

The reason I want to get fit and lose some weight and get toned isn't so I can weigh less or so I can say I weigh lighter, but to live a healthy, happier, more enjoyable lifestyle. I think when girls are working out, eating right, and just being overall healthy in everything that they do, they they look better as well as feel better.

This is going to be hard, but I WANT to....NEED to do it. Eating fast food, desserts, and junk all the time always makes me feel so yucky afterwards anyways. It may be satisfying in the moment, but I regret it afterwards.

I know I am going to have setbacks though. First off, I hate most healthy foods. I hate fish, most veggies, and tea. Soooo that is going to make this hard, but I am willing to try things over and over again! I also am on the go alll the time so finding time to cook healthy meals just seems so hard to me but I am going to try to do my best. I gotta figure out how to plan ahead, because you know what they say..."If you fail to plan, you plan to fail"!

So first I think I need to stop eating all the crap and at least trying to stick with a basic workout. I don't know much about working out, weights, and supplements though so I will really  have to do some digging to find out what all that stuff is about and how to go about it.

I was trying out a gym with my boyfriend for a few weeks, but never found the time to go since it was 20  minutes away. I couldn't get myself to pay the monthly fee as well as pay for the gas to drive there and back. So I may need to reconsider this! I just wish I had someone nearby who could join me! Having someone wanting what you want and encouraging you makes things so much easier!! 

I also have another problem....I am madly addicted to coffee! Not the black coffee that won't hurt you, but the "fru fru" coffee from Starbucks :// Getting over this habbit is going to be HARD for me...and I mean HARDDD~

So we shall see how this goes. I am on vacation right now though so I can't really cook with the little that we have right now in our hotel room but I get back this weekend so hopefully I can start then!! Until then I guess better selections, lots of water, and exercise in between laying out will have to do :) 

If anyone wants to be my personal trainer....let me know ;) that is, if you are free! ha

My thoughts about love...

My thoughts about love... <3

Since I am a hopeless romantic and I get randomly inspired to write things that go on inside my head...well here is a little piece of that:

To spend an eternity with someone…. Well now a day most people think that that is a pretty crazy idea. To be with one person the rest of their life and spend every day with them until they die. Most people think that sounds awful. They thrive off of the one night stands, the single life, the partying, living free and the list goes on.  People now a days would rather focus on themselves than someone else. They refuse to get married because having to worry about someone else just seems too difficult and ridiculous.  A lot of people even consider marriage to be considered prison!   Soo what do I think about that? Well I think those people are clearly blind as well as selfish. Of course, I am a hopeless romantic but even for how young I am, I like to think I have a small grasp on things, so I will share my thoughts…

Spending your life with someone should never be considered to be like a prison. It shouldn’t be something someone dreads or even despises. Spending your life with someone should be one of the most exciting things one could ever imagine. There is joy in sharing your life, hopes, dreams, good days, and even bad days with that one special person that loves you, and only you. Being able to share this life that we are granted for only a short time is really something special. God has granted us a short amount of time on this place we call earth, He never intended for us to waste it or be selfish about it. He himself knows what it is like to be in a forever  long relationship and what if feels like to love someone more than life itself, because that is exactly how He feels about you and me. God knows what it is like to be in love and He has given each and every one of us that opportunity to be able to know that feeling. Sounds pretty remarkable if you ask me!

I think marriage is one of the most beautiful things in this life. Marriage is a union between two different people that truly love each other and come together to put each other before themselves. It is something where two people put aside their differences and decide to do everything they can to make each other happy and to help each other grow as human beings and closer to God. Of course, marriage has its ups and downs, but what doesn’t. A commitment to spend the rest of your life with someone because you love them that much is truly incredible. When you think about it marriage is a beautiful selfless act, when it is done for the right reasons. Giving your trust, hope, dreams, and love to someone and willingly trusting them to hold your heart is more beautiful than words can express. Love is such a beautiful thing, and our Heavenly Father showed us the exact way to show that love. Love is supposed be gentle, kind, patient, not envious, not boastful, not selfish, and forgiving. That is what true marriage is about, being there for someone and giving them your everything.

So many marriages today are failing and giving up. Sometimes because they forgot the real reason they got married, or didn’t get married for the right reasons in the first place, and many other reasons. If people were truly in love, the way God has intended for them to be, that marriage is going to be a strong bond that God will honor. And things do happen that we don’t understand and people get divorced every day, but that does not mean that these people do not still deserve this kind of love still.

The love God is talking about can be applied to so many areas in our life. Loving someone is what we “claim” we do every day. We say it before we hang up the phone, we say it when we leave, we say it without even thinking about it, but do we mean it? Saying you “love” someone, and meaning it as well as showing it are two different things. Like I said before love is kind, patient, and forgiving.  Do we truly love people like God has intended us to love them?  When we say “I love you” are we saying it just because or are we are saying that we love them selflessly no matter what they do.

I feel like I have learned a lot about love over the past few years, because these kinds of thoughts come along every now and then provoking some thought. Sometimes I stop and think when even I say I love you, because I have to think….do I really show what I am saying and do I mean it with my whole heart?

Loving someone does not come with any kind of stipulations. N.O.N.E.  at all. If you are going to love someone, you are loving them for who they are. Even if someone is not exactly who you want them to be…you still love them because God loves them and He wants us to share that kind of love with everyone.

When I was little, I used to put stipulations on love. Ya know the kind of love where if you take my toy or stuffed animal then I probably won’t love you anymore sort of thing. I also thought that if people did wrong, that maybe I shouldn’t love them as much since they did something bad, but it didn’t take long for me to realize this was not right. Ya know the saying “Hate the sin, not the sinner”….well that’s how we need to live our life, but I think we should change that saying up a little bit. How about… “Hate the sin, Love the sinner”? That sounds about right to me! God does not intend for us to hate anyone. He gave His only Son so YOU could live, and us down here on earth are getting stuck up on loving people unconditionally…. Sounds a little crazy right? That is because it is. We are to love every one, and not just the say “I love you” kind of love, but the kind of love our Father demonstrates for us.

Wow ….I got off topic there. Oh well It was on my mind so I thought I would share.

Being married has been on my mind lately? Why you ask since I am so young? Well because I want to make sure that when I do eventually tie the knot… I want it to be the most beautiful romantic thing I have ever experienced. And I know it’s not about the wedding, it’s about the person you are marrying…and that is exactly what I am talking about. I want everyone at my wedding to look at me and my future husband and be able to know that we truly love each other with all of our hearts and are getting married for the right reasons.

I know married life is not always easy either. It’s actually really tough. What do you expect? You’re surrendering all of your “I’s” and “ME’s” and exchanging them for “us” and “we”. You just have to keep in mind that at the end of the day you are holding each other’s heart and that is one of the most beautiful gifts someone could give you. And your duty is to take that and hold onto it as tight as you can and protect it forever.

Spending an eternity with someone is not a thing of the past to me…..it’s something I will experience one day. And until that day comes…..

Vacation begins...

Well here we are...after a wonderful day and half of being in the car we are finally here!! Where you ask?? The Beautiful Sunshine State..yes FLORIDA <3 So our journey started on Friday morning when we left around 11am. We drove for about eight hours and stopped at Atlanta, GA for a nights rest. Our hotel was pretty cool and we walked around the town for a bit when we got there. We went to the CNN hotel/newroom area thing and ate dinner and looked around and then just hung out at our hotel for the night. Then we got up in the morning and had a lovely breakfast then got on the road again. Then after another lovely [completely sarcastic] 8 hours of being in the car, we finally arrived in Orlando...our first stop.  

After unpacking everything into our beautiful condo we headed out to eat dinner at Fridays and then made out typical grocery trip for the week. Buttt there is some bad news.... There is a tropical storm supposedly coming our way..Debby. Plus in the forecast we are scheduled for rain everyday. Normally that doesn't mean much though since it always rains in Florida a little like every day for a short time but if this storm comes through, then that won't be the case.

Well I am just sitting in my lovely bed right now missing my handsome man. Lookinng forward to being at the ocean in a week <3 Well I am about to pass out from exhaustion...Riding in the car for 16 hours is surprisnly exhausting so I guess I will go to bed for tonight and write more tomorrow...