Since I have graduated high school and am now in my second year of college, I am faced with finding out who in my life are friends that I will continue to have and which people I called friends were only in my life for a season.
I think a lot of people that make the transition from high school to college face this, as well as people who go from being single to being married { I am sure there are other transitions as well where people face this same issue}.
Some background info:
I for one have had to do this for myself. In high school I had a class of around 30 people. We were all friends for the most part and spent the majority of our high school years together. My school, K-12, consisted roughly of about 500 people. That is small. So the whole high school pretty much knew each other.
In high school I was a cheerleader and also played volleyball and softball, so I had a lot of different friends. Some friends were people you hung out with while you were playing that sport and not really any other time. Other friends were friends that I hung out no matter what season it was.
Anyways... I want to get to my point.
Since I am now in college, I don't have the time I used to have in high school. Back then, all I did was hang out with friends every day and I didn't have a care in the world. High school was never hard for me so studying occupied very little of my time. Because of this, I gave all of my time to my friends and they did the same.
This is not the case now. If you have been or are in college you know how time consuming it can be. I am in nursing school too, which makes things even crazier. Plus I have a boyfriend and I work. I also commute, so that adds on a whole other basket of priorities {taking care of my dog, helping out around the house, babysitting my little brother, and keeping my room up to my parents idea of cleanliness}. If you are not in college and are married then you have the same busy schedule {if you have a child then you have all the responsibilities of that, to tend to your house, to tend to your husband, to cook, to clean, etc}. Basically there is just never enough time. Plus when you add church on 3 times a week and any other activity that you may do, time really isn't even there anymore it seems like.
I am sure a lot of people can relate to this. It isn't that you don't want to have time for your friends, but you just don't a lot of the time. This is a problem for some people. This is also where I have come to realize who is a genuine friend and who really doesn't understand what that means.
I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day about "spoon fed friends". If you don't know what I am talking about let me elaborate. Spoon fed friends are the kind of friends that demand of your attention all the time and when they don't get it, they get upset. It may not even be all the time that they ask of your time but when they do and you just don't have the time, they get angry with you for not giving them time.
This is something I struggle with, a lot {especially since I used to give my friends ALL of my time}. Monday-Thursday I focus on school for the most part. I am at school each one of those days and at night I focus on studying, helping out around the house, and taking care of my dog (she needs a lot of attention). Then on Friday and Saturdays I work. Sundays I choose to go to church at 10:30am and at 7pm. So that leaves Friday night after 6:30, Saturday night after 4:30, and Sunday in between services to do with what I please. That is practically no time at all in my eyes.
During those few times where I can decide what I want to do, I typically fill it with spending time with my boyfriend and his family {which contains some of my best of friends}. So as you can see finding time is hard.
That is why I must evaluate what a true/genuine friend is. I don't think a friend is someone you hang out with all of your spare time, or someone that you keep in constant contact with or even someone that you see often.
I think a real friend is someone that you love. You love them for who they are and the potential you see in them. It is someone you don't have to see all the time, or keep in contact with all the time but you know they are always there for you when you need them. They are the kind of person that would come running if you needed help. It is someone that encourages you when you need encouraged. It is someone that makes you want to be a better person. It is someone that prays for you. It is someone that can go days, months, or years without seeing or talking to them and it is like you had seen them yesterday. It is someone you love unconditionally, no matter what they do. It is someone you care about, and they care about you.
I think people have lost site of what being a true friend is. You don't have to spend time with them all the time to best friends. Instead, it is someone that when you do see them {even if it isn't very often} you don't treat them any differently, and you cherish the moments you spend together. You don't demand criteria for them to be your friend, but instead you demand nothing.
This is the kind of friend I want to be and the kind of friends I want to have. Someone that loves, cares, and wants and encourages me to be a better person. Someone that I don't have to spend a lot of time with to define our friendship. Someone I want to spend time with as often as I can, but understand when life just doesn't it allow it at times.
I can say that I have had friends in my life that were only there for a season. BUT, I can also say that I have some amazing girls in my life that I cherish with all of my heart and I know God has placed them in my life for a reason. These girls are real, genuine, true friends that I plan on being friends with the rest of my life.
So I challenge you to examine yourself and the people around you. Don't waste time on people that demand stipulations to be your friend but invest time in people that don't demand anything at all. And challenge yourself to be that kind of friend to someone else.
