Complete Surrender?

Complete Surrender...that just sounds scary right? 

If you have read one of my previous post about changes in my life...well I am going to expand on that today. Today my devotion was about complete surrender. The video was thirty minutes and throughout this entire video I kept asking myself if I was willing to give up everything I have wanted and just ask God to take every thing I want and surrender it to Him to do whatever He wants to do with me. I kept bringing up different situations. For instance, I would ask my self if I was willing to let go of everything I give my time up for and just let God do with it what He wants. I asked myself if I was willing to forgo every dream I have ever had, and just put those aside and let God fulfill me with His dreams for me. I asked myself if I could surrender every relationship I have with all of the people in my life and make them glorify God.

Wanna know how I answered these questions during this video? I practically said no. No? Yes, I kept making excuses like well I'll give this area over to God, because that is easier but I think I can keep a few areas to myself though. This troubled me greatly. I kept asking myself question after question...why can't I give this over to Him? Yet I kept saying no in my heart. No, I don't want to have to give everything over to Him because that is just asking a lot. This may be shocking to hear but it's the truth. This was a serious battle for me!

So after thirty minutes I went about my business getting ready, cleaning, etc. It wasn't until an hour or two later that these questions just kept popping into my head. I felt though God just kept asking me like why won't you give your life over to me, I promise it will be far greater that anything you could imagine, but yet I kept trying to hold on to my flesh. That is a big deal! Being able to say my life is not my own, and God WHATEVER you want me to do with this life YOU have given me, I will do it. That just seemed so out of reach for me.

In the video Lesley Ludy kept mentioning different women that gave their lifes up for the cause of Christ. Some were thrown out of their homes and told they never wanted to see them again, some were put in prison, some were torn limb by limb by ferocious beasts, and the list just goes on. This kind of surrender just sounded so far out of reach. Impossible is the word that came to mind.

Anyways, my heart just was feeling heavy the entire night. I am really good with putting my feelings and thoughts that trouble me in the way back of my mind where I just don't have to deal with them, but this was different. I kept pushing them aside and it would work for a while, but then they would just pop into my head again. It was almost as if God kept asking me with everything I did...Is this glorifying me? Will you give this up for me? By this time I was just speechless. I had no idea what to do.

If your friends with me on facebook you may have seen my status today:
What does God ask for? All of us. Every single thing. 
Not just certain areas of your life, but EVERYTHING: 

Your future 
Your dreams 
Your ambitions 
Your reputation 
Your comfort 
Your romance ideals 
Your popularity 

Your free time
and the list goes on...
-Lesly Ludy 

This was something I put as my status to challenge myself with! I wanted to be able to say this is what I am willing to do for the God of this world who gave His life and DIED a horrible death just for ME. This was really starting to trouble me. 

Tonight I left my boyfriends house and just felt worn out, mentally and physically (we had just finished day 5 of insanity!). I don't know what exactly came over me...but I began to cry. I do not mean little tears were falling down my face, I mean full out sobbing. I couldn't even control it. That is when I just felt God pushing me to believe and trust Him that if I gave everything up for Him and would be so worth it. 

I cried the entire way home and just prayed out loud to God asking for his wisdom, guidance, peace, strength, courage, and so on. I know I cannot even begin to do this alone, but thing is I don't have to. He is right beside me the entire time. I truly feel THIS is what I want for my life: total surrender. I know this is not going to be easy. While praying I kept saying I know I am going to fail and I know I am going to need Your help to be able to do this, but this is truly what I want for my life.  

I do NOT want to live a life that is just wasted on material things of this world. I want to live a life for Jesus Christ! Plus that is the only reason we are here on this earth! Why wouldn't I give my life up for Him? I should be dead, but I am ALIVE because Christ stood in front of me and died so I wouldn't have to.  

While praying and just crying out to God a song came on... What Faith Can Do by Kutless and I felt that was God speaking to me because those words were exactly what I needed to hear.... 

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing 

That word was there.... impossible. Did that just hit me in the face? Giving your life to God is NOT impossible if you believe in Him and trust that He has the strength to help you. It is going to be scary, He didn't say it was going to be easy, but we have to be willing to take that step.  

So with that I leave you to think about your life. Have you completely surrendered EVERY area in your life? It's gonna be hard, but I know putting your life into God's hands is far greater than keeping it in your own! <3